Food: Ben’s Chicken Schnitzel

I’m pleased. I lasted two whole weeks before crumbling to excess.

Yes, fine, I ate like a pig last night. I think it was all just Too Much for us both this week, and we needed food to comfort. Also, I went to visit my mum on Friday, and she gave me cake, and well… Sigh.

So, to make sure SOMETHING positive comes out of last night’s foodie debauchery, I share with you Ben’s recipe for chicken schnitzel.

You will need:

  • Two packs of breaded chicken goujons
  • A loaf of white bread (the unsliced kind)
  • A head of lettuce
  • A bunch of spring onions
  • Mayo
  • Ketchup
  • Mustard

Let the madness begin:

  1. Put your goujons under the grill. ALL of them. Yes, I know it says on the packet to put them in the oven, but they don’t get nice and crispy that way. Trust me on this. A medium-high heat for 5-7 mins either side should do it. Keep an eye on them and use your judgement.
  2. Meanwhile, slice half of your spring onions and half of your lettuce nice and fine. 
  3. Put the spring onion and lettuce into a bowl, and mix in a mixture of mayo, ketchup and mustard until it holds together. You really have to just use your judgement on this one – Ben made it a little too mustardy for my liking, but it was still awesome. As long as it’s not too sloppy, you can’t go wrong.
  4. Next, cut your loaf of bread clean in half, and hollow it out. No, really. Do what you like with the centre of the bread. Maybe whizz it up into bread crumbs for homemade fish cakes – this is really good for later in the week, when you realise the error of your ways and resort back to a healthy diet (my plan). 
  5. Time to get filling! Your goujons should be done by now. We had enough goujons to do three layers. I advise you do it like this: lie three goujons flat on the bottom of the bread-crater, use a quarter of your salad to form a salad layer, then goujons, then salad, then top it off with goujons. Good luck getting your mouth around the damned thing.
  6. Eat.
  7. Regret.

5 thoughts on “Food: Ben’s Chicken Schnitzel

  1. OMG! So much wrong with this food! (apart from the fact that it doesn’t actually contain Schnitzel!)

    a) Free range chicken – I assume NOT! BOO! HISS!
    b) White bread?!
    c) Half a loaf EACH!?

    I thought you were on to a winner with the salad! I won’t even ask what brand of mayonnaise you used!

    At least you’ve got loads of breadcrumbs that you can use to make home made turkey Schnitzel – more bird per buck!

    Here’s an interesting fact: Chicken Schnitzel is very popular in Australia, where it’s referred to as the Queen of Schnitzels – and is so popular it’s gained an almost “cult” status! (thanks Wikipedia!)


  2. Pingback: Food: Crab Cakes « Unravelled

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