Testing, testing…

Is this thing even on?

Yes, I’m still alive 🙂

Having just finished writing a guest post for my new friend Angharad’s fashion and lifestyle blog Edible Glitter (the post has now gone live!), I realised how awful I am at blogging regularly. Or keeping any sort of schedule. I mean, my last post was nearly a month ago, and that was just to announce the death of my nan (I say “just” – it was a very big thing. I am not over it at all).

So here I am again, like an unfaithful partner to the blogosphere, apologising again, hoping you’ll take me back, promising I’ll stay faithful this time, but we both know that I’ll stray again, soon enough. But we love each other so much, you can’t stay mad at me, right…?

Well, I finished my exams, hurrah me 🙂 This was followed shortly after by my nan passing away, which, whilst not a shock (she had a stroke 6 years ago and had been dwindling since) was still a shock. I am now entirely grandparentless, which is a bizarre feeling. Going to the funeral (in Cheltenham, where she lived) drilled home how very small my family is – I have one aunt who never married, and one uncle whose wife sadly cannot have children. So that is us. Mum, dad, aunt, uncle, me, two brothers… No cousins. Now no grandparents. Once again I was left contemplating the frailty of human existence.
She was an authoritarian and fiercely independent woman. Now she is dust. Today, my brain is buzzing with a thousand questions, which sometimes is overwhelming – maybe I should be grateful, rather than wishing my mind could be silent. One day, there will be no brain to buzz.

I should be spending my “holiday” taking it easy, pursuing enjoyable activities. Instead, I am melting in the heat and life has just become incredibly stressful and unpredictable. I am not in a particularly good place at the moment.

And just on a night when I thought I might stay up until the wee hours drawing to get it out of my system, I can hear Mr Fox’s sister parking up outside, as she is staying here for the next couple of nights.

Oh well; to bed, perchance to fitfully sleep.

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