2012
Hellloooooo, blogosphere! Remember me?
I know, I know. I’ve been a neglectful blog-mother. I’m sorry. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been MIGHTY busy. New county, new home, new job, new life… Same old me. And Ben is still here 
But yes: HAPPY NEW YEAR! I’ve had some tough “moments” this year, and to be perfectly honest, I’m getting a bit sick of hearing my own whinging. Looking back on last New Year’s 1st Jan post, a lot still applies:
“So, [2011] is gone. Like so many days and years, it is in the past, now merely a memory. Words on a page, photos in the album. Some days, I mourn the days that we’ve lost, but really, we haven’t really lost them. We’ve lived them, and we have many more days ahead to continue living.
So rather than mourn what has passed, perhaps it’s time to look optimistically to the future. I spend an awful lot of my time moping and burying my head (please see my official job description in the blog header), but I have, over the last couple of years, been trying to reassess my life and get some perspective. I’m sure many of you know how difficult it is to break habitual destructive behaviours, but where there’s a will, there’s a way!
So let’s see the New Year as a chance for a fresh start.”
My New Year’s Resolutions from last year… didn’t really work out. Let’s review:
1. I have not lost weight. I’ve gone from last 1st Jan’s 12st1.5lb to a mighty 13st. Please do not adjust your sets.
2. The exercise… Well, no. I jogged for like… two weeks, then realised it doesn’t suit me. AT ALL. However, moving to the countryside has lead to more countryside walks, and in warmer weather will encourage cycling and swimming. Watch this space.
3. Eat healthy? Sort of. Less so these past few weeks due to the seasonal blow out, but over all we have rediscovered vegetables, which can be no bad thing.
4. Budget. Well, I wouldn’t be still standing if I hadn’t managed to squeeze my finances. Go me.
5. Redecorate the flat. I don’t live there any more! Hurrah!
6. Study hard. I could have studied harder, but still managed to come out of my MSc with a 2:i (3% off a first. I have mixed feelings. Not discussable here).
7. Forgive myself? Unfortunately, still an unmastered skill. I’ll keep working on it.
And this New Year? Well, one of my seniors at work today suggested making wishes, or hopes. for the year ahead, rather than resolutions. I thought it was a lovely idea, so with that in mind:
1. I hope to continue furthering my education, with possibly some NVQs or a diploma in counselling or mental health care
2. I hope to do some volunteering – I miss my work with SANE
3. I wish people would have their voices heard, and that people would listen more compassionately
4. I wish an assistant psychology post would open up in Waveney, and take me on board for the role…
5. I wish I could give a doggy a home 
6. I wish all my friends and family luck, health and happiness. Cheesey, I know, but now more than I ever, I realise how much you all mean to me.
So there we go. All a bit vague and swirly, yes, but I hope that I can make this year a good one.
AH, OH, BEFORE I FORGET. The books of 2011! You remember the Book List, right? Well, here is the 2011 Book Round-up:
I’ve only read a measly 18 books (12 non-fiction, 6 fiction) this year. I know, I know. But remember how I was studying for finals, doing a dissertation, and then moving house? Poor excuses, maybe. Poo to you, sir.
Well, I got a lump of Amazon vouchers as part of a Christmas present, so I’ve loaded up my Kindle and am raring to read. I’ll see you in a year to prove that 2011 was just a rare howler, reading wise. Here’s the list (favourites are show with an asterisk):
- 01.2011 – *V S Ramachandran – Phantoms in the Brain (nf)
- 02.2011 – Neris Thomas & India Knight – Neris and India’s Idiot-Proof Diet (nf)
- 03.2011 – Carl Rogers – On Encounter Groups (nf)
- 02.2011 – *Terry Pratchett – Unseen Academicals (f)
- 03.2011 – Matt Ridley – The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature (nf)
- 03.2011 – Adam Phillips – Darwin’s Worms (nf)
- 03.2011 – *Ben Goldacre – Bad Science: Quacks, Hacks, and Big Pharma Flacks (nf)
- 04.2011 – Prof. Robin Dunbar – The Trouble with Science (nf)
- 04.2011 – Jeff Potter – Cooking for Geeks: Real Science, Great Hacks, and Good Food (nf)
- 05.2011 – Susan Greenfield – Id (nf)
- 11.05.2011 – Rudyard Kipling – The Man Who Would Be King (f)
- 29.07.2011 – Jack London - White Fang (f)
- 02.08.2011 – Richard Mabey - Food for Free: A Fantastic Feast of Plants and Folklore (nf)
- 07.08.2011 – Steven Johnson – Everything Bad is Good for You (nf)
- 12.08.2011 – Patrick Bateson & Paul Martin – Design for a Life (nf)
- 16.11.2011 – Terry Pratchett – Snuff (f)
- 20.11.2011 – Terry Pratchett – Wintersmith (f)
- 24.12.2011 – *Robin Hobb – Assassin’s Apprentice (f)
How about you? Read any good books lately?
The next few steps
Well, here I am.
Where, you ask?
Well, I’m not really sure, either. Existentially, I mean.
Geographically, I am on the move, too. The London chapter of my life is coming to a close. I got the keys to my new place last week, and spent the most part of a week sleeping alone on an inflatable mattress. It’s made it really sink in that everything is changing.
I have been finding this whole “finish full time education, move house, start work” thing more stressful and emotionally challenging than I ever could have predicted. Maybe it’s because it’s the unknown. Maybe because it’s all at once. Maybe because I’ve never been good at growth, or change, or being out of my comfort zone. Maybe because, whilst I’ve been offered bank/part time roles at four different organisations, not one of those have started formal training, or told me when I’ll start. But I know part of it is that I’ve never been out of full-time education for more than 6 months at a go, I’ve never lived alone (even if this is going to be for 2 months, at most), and I’ve never ever lived this far away from my whole family. Yes, Ben’s family live close, and they are great, and supportive, and better than being completely in the wilderness, but they are still that: potential in-laws. Not my parents, my brothers, my… you get the idea.
I relish the freedom of all this. But I’d relish it all the more if it was a bit more certain.
Letters to the Editor: Science vs. Magic
I am a very proud daughter.
My dad got his letter to the Times printed. In full. In bold. With a photo of a rainbow.
OK, I’ll explain that.
On June 4th, there was an article printed in the Times Opinion pages, by one Raymond Tallis, accusing scientists of suffering from “Darwinitis” and “Neuromania” – seeing our obsession with scientific explanations for the human condition as some kind of disease. Tallis argues that humans are simply not explainable by science, evolution, brain scans and so forth.
Well, my dad responded by saying… Oh hell, read it for yourself; he puts it so well (Dr Alex Christie; click to see the bigger picture)
The little bit of paper in the right hand corner is a response to my dad, printed a day later. So glad the Rev Graham Hellier has such a long, considered response. He entirely misses the point, and just as an aside? Referring to nature as a “she” is a mere colloquialism. Dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Any thoughts?
Violent Video Games
As part of my assessment for my MSc, I have been doing a joint poster project with my friend Rebecca surrounding the topic of violent video games. Are violent video games really causing our kids to be more aggressive? I say “our” kids – I don’t have kids. But I WAS a kid. And I played violent video games. So did my brothers. I wouldn’t consider us to be particularly aggressive. Maybe we were boisterous kids, but that was arguably before the games, and plenty of people have boisterous kids.
Image from GeekWithLaptop.com
Anecdotal evidence, you say? Maybe. But some facts and figures from the US of A -
“According to the FBI in 2009,The arrest rate for juvenile murders has fallen 71.9% between 1995 and 2008. The arrest rate for all juvenile violent crimes has declined 49.3%. In this same period, video game sales have more than quadrupled. The FBI statistics show that video game sales have been on the rise, while all juvenile violent crimes have fallen in the same amount of time.”
From debate.org
OK, but that’s just someone saying a thing on a debating website, I hear you cry. I won’t lie: I’ve made no effort to track down that report from the FBI. It could be made up. This is the internet, afterall. EDIT: Oh look, found it.
You might have read some news articles talking about a correlation between violent video gameplay and subsequent aggressive behaviour in children. Bollocks to that, is what I say. Correlation, as any good scientist knows, does not equate to causation. It might be that children that already have an aggressive disposition are more likely to be drawn to play violent games in the first place. They see violent games as a way of directing their aggression, which surely is no bad thing. We don’t see a correlation between calm kids and violent video gamplay, maybe because calm kids don’t get attracted to play violent video games (they’d much rather play bonkers colourful games like Katarmari Forever or Hamster Ball.)
And what about extraneous variables? Studies that show these correlations tend to ignore the children’s family history, or trait violence. Who knows, these kids might come from abusive homes, and violence is all they know. Oh, and we usually only see the short term effects of violent influences – what about a longitudinal study, please? Do these same kids grow up into violent adults? Or is that a rare thing? Are the majority of violent video game players (i.e. MOST WESTERN TEENAGERS) likely to populate the globe with murderers? I think not. They will probably be accountants, or contestants on Britain’s Got Talent, or some other, (arguably) normal lifetime pursuit.
Perhaps some “more research is needed” – I hate to fall back on that old line, but it’s true. Video games are here to stay, so rather than bitch and moan about the possible influence of young children, and their subsequent development into aggressive teens (view not supported by evidence), maybe it’s high time we started looking into the other factors influencing aggression in young people. Maybe there’s deep-rooted issues. Maybe aggressive children need early-intervention programmes. Maybe we need to teach the negativity of violence to young people. What about anger management strategies for children? Don’t scoff – the naughty step works wonders for Supernanny.
Interested in reading more? Go for it -
An overview of previous research
A positive application of the “desensitisation to violence” effect
Deadlines
I hate deadlines. This is the time of year where lots of people I know are stressing about coursework, essay deadlines, dissertations, and final exams.
I am no different. Luckily my dissertation is not due for several months yet, but that doesn’t mean I’m not busy – I have a project deadline next week, and seen exam questions to plan, as well as general revision for my finals. Oh, and did I mention I have to have a game plan for what lies after my MSc? Hmm. I have a few things in mind, but nothing certain yet, so you’ll have to wait on that front.
Don’t panic, folks – we’ve been working hard for this, and there’s no point losing your head. If you’ve been attending lectures and doing at least SOME reading, then it only takes a bit of knucking down now to make it all pay off.
Set yourself a revision timetable if you’re crap at “finding the time” – that way you’ll have no excuse.
Remember to take breaks – there is no point studying solidly and making yourself miserable.
At the same time, remember when to say “no” – you can’t drop everything every time a friend rings you up and invites you for a drink. This is especially true of your friends who are NOT in full time education – they may have forgotten how important these next few months are for you. Remind them that this studiousness is only temporary, and you’ll catch up another time! It’s not the end of the world.
And finally: it’ll be over soon! Your hard work WILL pay off, I swear. You’ll feel good once it’s all over.
If you’re worried about exams, or are suffering with study stress, take a peek at TheSite.org – they offer some simply and practical advice about looking after yourself over the exam season.
Good luck!
BBC News – Money woes ‘linked to rise in depression’
BBC News – Money woes ‘linked to rise in depression’.
Well, here’s a news story that is, in my opinion, well over due. How long have we been mired in the recession now? I know that money worries are a massive stressor for me.
Image from Flickr user vkreees
So what now? Help is not forthcoming from the government. Talk of mental health funding cuts, the welfare reform is exacerbating problems for people already mired in complex mental health issues, and for those of us in England, getting treatment for mental illness COSTS. Yes, we don’t have free prescriptions down here, you know (Scotland got free prescriptions earlier this week, whilst in England, the charge increased). Don’t want meds? OK, well if you don’t want to wait months on an NHS waiting list for a talking treatment, you could go private, but don’t expect that process to alleviate any money worries.
Come on, Cameron. Help us out.
If you want any advice or emotional support relating to mental health issues, please contact the mental health charity, SANE. Friends are hard to come by at the moment, but they are there.
Books: Bad Science
You might have come across Ben Goldacre before – via his column in the Guardian, or via his Twitter-based angry ramblings. So you’ll know that this guy suffers no fools.
Doctor, journalist, science cheerleader – Ben Goldacre is perfectly positioned to expose malpractice in the world of science and medicine. And how well he does it.
Bad Science is, at its heart, a light-hearted non-fiction read. It made me laugh a lot (Brain Gym? Really?) but, I have to be honest, it made me a bit depressed. Although it made me feel smug and self-righteous (yes, detox and homeopathy are bunk! And here’s why…), it also made me despair – particularly the new chapter (unpublishable in the first edition, as Goldacre was going through a court case at the time) about Matthius Rath and AIDS in South Africa. You might think Big Pharma is evil. It is, but you ain’t seen nothing yet…
Goldacre doesn’t just make sweeping claims – he supports his views with example after example of evidence. With a comprehensive reference list and suggested further reading at the end of the book, Goldacre has nothing to hide. But it’s hard to feel empowered when he admits that the quacks have won, and things will always be this way – Bad Science is entrenched.
A thoroughly recommended read: very accessible, enlightening, funny, and realistic.
I Want Never Gets: Black Fayence Bookcase
I really want some proper bookcases.
Nuff said.
£1250. Whaaa 
Games: Sonic Colours
Nope, sorry, massive disappointment. Similar to Ben’s reaction to Gran Turismo 5 (where he was waiting ages for it, really looking forward to it, and cetera), Sonic Colours just did not meet my expectations.
That’s cruel – Sonic Colours is a pretty good game in its own right. The game is pretty (especially the starlight carnival planet) and the designers have obviously tried hard to remain true to the original charm of the original Sonic games.
But it just… doesn’t match up. It doesn’t have the same addictability as Sonic, Sonic 2, Sonic & Knuckles… There is even more annoying stuff to fall off of than in Lego Batman (beyond challenging, into the realms of pure frustration, to the point where I actually just turned off the console mid-level several times). The controls are a bit sticky (the double jump is a pain in the arse) and the “Colours” themselves are a bit gimmicky and frankly slightly embarrassing.
Oh, and the 2-player part of the game SUCKS. Jesus.
Fine, I’ll admit it – I didn’t finish this game. It just didn’t grab me like those from my childhood did. In fact, I traded it in today, and got Lego Star Wars for PS3 instead.
It seems SEGA still haven’t managed to recapture the wonderful Golden Combination that those original games had (up until the first 3D game *shudder*). I even liked Sonic Spinball. But not this.
Maybe I’ll just download the original games instead…. Sigh.
St Valentine
Ahhhh, Happy Valentine’s Day. I don’t really “believe” in this sort of thing (why celebrate love on only one day a year? And if you do, why not make that day your anniversary, rather than some out of proportion, over-priced piece of crap?)
But anyway, a good excuse to wish all my friends and family a lovely day, and to let them know: I love you.
Oh, and also another good excuse to pimp one of my paintings. I should probably paint something new… Ah well.
Chinese New Year in London
Those of you who follow me on Twitter will know that I was determined to get in to central London on Sunday, in order to experience Chinese New Year 2011, London style.
You will also be aware that I was sadly disappointed.
Whilst there was food in abundance, lion dances parading from shop to shop, and lanterns laced above our heads, Chinatown was rammed with people (prams = BAD IDEA, people), so good luck actually seeing over heads.
Oh, and to the chap behind me who shoved me in the back whilst we were all trying to get out of New Loon Moon – Yes, you were pushing me, no, pushing didn’t help, and no, threats don’t work on me either. Yes, you were right to feel embarrassed and shut up after I pulled you up on that one. Weren’t expecting that from a girl half your size, were you? Jerk.
I know what you’re thinking, because I thought it too at first: Why can’t people just put their rubbish in the bin?!! Well, maybe it’s because…
Quite. Good luck with that one, Westminster City Council.
My other major irritation with Chinese New Year in London is that there was advertising EVERYWHERE. The paper lanterns were sponsored by Lebara mobile, children carried red balloons festooned with Lyca Mobile logos, and lo and behold – Kung Fu Panda 2 fortune cookies. It all just felt a bit tacky and was, in my honest opinion, a massive anticlimax. On the upside, I managed to get three buffet box take-aways for £9. With that in hand, I bustled through the insanely large crowds (well, that’s what you get when you have a completely free event) and retreated to home.
What about you? Maybe you aren’t as jaded about your Chinatown Chinese New Year experience as I was. Maybe you are 6’5” and therefore actually managed to see a lion dance. Maybe you were one of the many pushchair-users that rammed me in the ankles – we need to talk.
Bridgewood Manor Comedy Club
Woo! I’ve had a fun couple of days, despite it all being based in Chatham, of all places.
Friday saw me trek to Kent, alongside my friends Sarah and Matt. When there, we found our way to Bridgewood Manor Hotel – a 4* hotel on the edge of Chatham (yes! Chatham has a 4*!)
After a bit of faffing and madness, I left Sas and Matt to shower and went down to prop up the bar. Louise arrived just as I got downstairs, so we went to pester the barman together! A G&T for me, a large glass of red for her, and we chin-wagged until the married couple came downstairs. Soon after, the fifth and final member of our party (Callum) pulled up a chair, and we celebrated a long-awaited reunion get-together.
Dark photo yoinked off Matt. DON’T SUE!! 
Bridgewood Manor Hotel was surprisingly nice. All the staff I encountered were very friendly and great service, and the hotel itself was spacious and tidy. Whilst I didn’t stay the night at the hotel, Sas and Matt did – their room was the standard hotel room layout, but pleasingly neat and tidy. You’d have to ask them if the bed was squishy and the shower wet enough. As far as facilities are concerned, a rental of the room gave access to the hotel’s own swimming pool (meaning Sas nipped to the Asda next door to buy herself swimwear!)
But our main calling to Bridgewood Manor was to filter into one of their many conference halls (the Hythe suite) to experience their Comedy Club experience. For a mere £23.95, we were treated to a 2-course meal and two comedy acts (plus a brash and crass lady-compère). The food was a generic crowd pleaser – roast chicken with veg and sautéed new potatoes for the mains, and muddled summer fruits with whipped cream for dessert. Nothing special, but it was well executed (although some bread to sop up my gravy would have been appreciated).
The comedy acts, more importantly, were a mixed bag. As I said, the compère, whilst not terrible, was at times a bit of a cringe. But she soon introduced the first act, Joe Rowntree – very satisfying start. His observational comedy was spot on – even if the story about being thrown up on by a drunk on a night bus was revolting! The second act though, needed a lot of polishing. I’m sorry, I can’t remember his name. He was an impressionist, and he tried to do a gimmicky thing with 50 impersonations in 20 minutes, but it didn’t really work. He was good, but the act itself needs polishing. And he got heckled something rotten by the audience – I felt really bad for him. But rather than fight back, he would’ve done better to ignore them.
Ah well – all’s well that ends well. Had a great night out with friends, and it was all polished off with Krispy Kremes courtesy of Sas. Huzzah!
A Full Defence of Lord Wei
On Wednesday, the RSA published this article online, touching upon the subject of Lord Wei (the UNPAID government advisor on Big Society, founder of Shaftesbury Partnership, etc. etc.). Perhaps it was in response to the scathing Guardian article from Tuesday.
It turns out, of the 1st of February (so, Tuesday), that Nat Wei has chosen to step down from some of the voluntary work with Big Society, due to paid work commitments and a desire to spend more time with his family.
So what? I’ll tell you what – some people have criticised Wei’s move, saying that it’s worth a good gloat to see someone like Wei, who is trying to encourage more voluntary work within the general public, has chosen to do less voluntary work.
Bullshit. I don’t see how anyone has the right to criticise Wei at this point – he is still volunteering two days a week, which is pretty damned amazing, considering he has no private income to fall back on, and has two kids to entertain. He has helped to found Future Leaders, the Shaftesbury Partnership, and The Challenge Network. He’s all about supporting those in unemployment, maintaining good healthcare and reasonable housing. And all at the age of 34. Did I mention he’s the youngest person ever to be made a life peer (beating Baroness Warsi, who was the ripe old age of 36)? Pretty stunning. Leaves the rest of us a LOT to aspire to.
Besides, in the Guardian’s own words:
“Whitehall sources said that when he was invited to take the role he had expected it to be remunerated but was told only the night before that it was a voluntary post and there would be no salary. Other unpaid coalition advisers include Lord Heseltine and the “digital champion” Martha Lane Fox – both millionaires.”
So why don’t we all cut him some slack? I mean, I only do 4 hours a week of voluntary work, and I don’t even have a family to support. I think he is setting a fantastic standard – in his own reply to his critics: the Big Society “is about much more than volunteering – it’s about helping people to take control over their lives, however much time they have”.
Mental Floss #2
Well, I’ve been a bit under the weather, and then yesterday morning discovered that one of my lovely rats (Bubble) has quite a big lump on her tum. So I KNOW it hasn’t been long since Mental Floss #1, but I’m in need of serious perspective taking right now. So here we go: 5 things that are keeping me grounded at the mo.
- My rats. I’ve been giving them serious love these past couple of days (I think they’re getting a bit sick of me tbh!!
) as I was suddenly faced with their mortality. Big sighs, but big loves, too. - Stickers! I love stickers. IMHO the bestest stickers come from Paperchase and Accesorize. Nothing brings out the kid in me like dotting stuff with cartoon kittens.
- Shaketastic. Seriously. OK, I’ve lost a grand total 8lbs so far, but I needed this last night. Nothing says instant comfort like ferrero rocher & kinder bueno, mixed with vanilla iced cream and topped with oreo crumbs.
- Red Dead Redemption. Well, not playing it, but watching Ben play it. More on this at a later date…
- Knitting. OK, I have to admit, I STILL haven’t finished the Firestarter jumper *makes the sign of the cross*, but I’ve gotten a lot of pleasure out of perusing other people’s knitted goods. And wondering where the hell they find the time. Alice Bell is my favourite recent find. I think I have a bit of a girl crush – she’s amazing.
Music: When You’re Old and Grey
One of those stupidly-late-night-on-BBC-Radio-3 sort of discoveries. New to me, maybe not to you.
A bit cruel, but hilarious!
Since I still appreciate you,
Let’s find love while we may.
Because I know I’ll hate you
When you are old and grey.
So say you love me here and now,
I’ll make the most of that.
Say you love and trust me,
For I know you’ll disgust me
When you’re old and getting fat.
An awful debility,
A lessened utility,
A loss of mobility
Is a strong possibility.
In all probability
I’ll lose my virility
And you your fertility
And desirability,
And this liability
Of total sterility
Will lead to hostility
And a sense of futility,
So let’s act with agility
While we still have facility,
For we’ll soon reach senility
And lose the ability.
Your teeth will start to go, dear,
Your waist will start to spread.
In twenty years or so, dear,
I’ll wish that you were dead.
I’ll never love you then at all
The way I do today.
So please remember,
When I leave in December,
I told you so in May.
Normal service will be resumed
OK, at time of writing, I am taking a very short break from furiously revising for a research methods exam. It’s my last exam, so I’ll be working hard for this one.
Bearing that in mind, I have not much to offer you today except this photo of a squirrel, taken with my phone, in Regent’s Park last Friday.
Normal service will be resumed shortly; watch this space.
Paxton’s Tower Lodge
Ben and I ventured to Wales this week. Predictably, it rained pretty much the whole time we were there, but that was ok because:
- I had my new wellies with me
- We were staying in the gorgeous and cosy Paxton’s Tower Lodge
OK, maybe that needs a bit of explaining (the lodge, I mean. Not the wellies)
This is Paxton’s Tower:
And this, at the base of the hill, is Paxton’s Tower Lodge:
While Paxton’s Tower is a folly, erected in honour of Lord Nelson, and now maintained by the National Trust (not that it needs much maintaining, to be honest), the Lodge has been lovingly restored by the wonderful Landmark Trust. If you’ve never heard of the Landmark Trust (and three years ago, I hadn’t), they are a charitable foundation that restores historic and architecturally interesting buildings for the enjoyment of the paying public. But unlike the National Trust, English Heritage and so forth (where you pay an entrance fee, have a look around, then buy a cake and souvenir and leave), Landmark Trust properties are for living in. Yes, you can rent one for your holiday.
Ben and I have been to one other Landmark Trust property before (the equally wonderful Tangy Mill out in the wilds of Kintyre), but this time we decided to go somewhere… well, less Far Away. We wanted to go to Castle of Park, but they were already booked up for the dates we had free. Ben had been to Paxton’s Tower Lodge once before (4 years ago now, so before we met), and liked the building and surrounding area, so we thought we’d give that a go.
And it was lovely! Apart from the typical Welsh weather, Carmarthenshire is quite nice indeed, but definitely the crowning glory of the stay was our accommodation, no doubt about it. We hardly got any actual sight seeing done, because the cottage was so lovely (and it was cold and wet out). Every evening was spent curled up on the sofa, knitting, whilst Ben poked at (and cursed at) the open fireplace.
(Still working on that bloody Firestarter jumper!!)
A lovely big kitchen meant that I could Get My Cook on – we did eat like pigs. OK, I know, I know, I made a resolution to lose weight, but you didn’t expect me to diet on holiday, right? That aside, I have a separate post put aside for my adventurous cooking, so watch this space.
Other evening activities included trudging up to see the tower (which is lit up at night), and of course Airfix. What? Oh yes. Ben got a Mk 1 Ford Escort Airfix kit for Christmas (from his sister and her other half).
Which reminds me: I have a bone to pick with Airfix. What the hell did you do to the paints, dude? You used to supply tiny tins of top-quality Hummel paint with your kits. And now you have what amounts to shoddy, thinned down nail varnish. Hummels gave a smooth, even coverage in one coat. Three coats in on the bodywork, and the paint job is still streaky. Before you ask: Yes, I did stir the paint before use. Thoroughly disappointed on behalf of my foreman (I was delegated to paint duty, whilst Ben did important cutting and sticking).
Aaaaaaaaaaanyway. We did have some small adventures in wet Wales, but this post is running on a bit now, so probably best to leave those for another day. Deal? Here’s a picture of me in the lodge’s loft bedroom, to make up for it:
This year, I resolve to…
Happy New Year, folks! I hope you’ve had a good’un. I have, despite last minute change of plans (I was scheduled to go up to Suffolk for a friend’s party, but Ben was offered some fantastically paid out-of-hours work, which we can’t really afford to turn down at the moment).
So, 2010 is gone. Like so many days and years, it is in the past, now merely a memory. Words on a page, photos in the album. Some days, I mourn the days that we’ve lost, but really, we haven’t really lost them. We’ve lived them, and we have many more days ahead to continue living.
So rather than mourn what has passed, perhaps it’s time to look optimistically to the future. I spend and awful lot of my time moping and burying my head (please see my official job description in the blog header), but I have, over the last couple of years, been trying to reassess my life and get some perspective. I’m sure many of you know how difficult it is to break habitual destructive behaviours, but where there’s a will, there’s a way!
So let’s see the New Year as a chance for a fresh start. After my gluttonous and sedentary Christmas holiday, obvious resolutions present themselves. And as I look into the future (and reflect on my past), I realise a lot of my lifestyle needs to change. So, perhaps my resolutions are a little clichéd, but right now, they are very important to me. Feel free to nag me for updates on how I’m getting on with them over the weeks to come…
My New Year’s Resolutions
- LOSE WEIGHT. This is now starting to get out of hand. This can really be split in to two resolutions, which will follow.
- You need cut down on your pork life mate, get some exercise! God knows, if it could, your poor heart would CRY.
- Eat properly. Kebabs do not count as one of your five-a-day, no matter how much salad you put on it.
- BUDGET BUDGET BUDGET. You do pretty well with the packed lunches, but could still do better.
- Redecorate the damn flat, woman. It’s a state.
- Study hard – this is the start of the REST OF YOUR LIFE.
- Forgive yourself.
And what about you?
Books: Mood Mapping
Mood Mapping: Plot your way to emotional health and happiness
I should probably start by saying I did not like this book. In fact, there are no significant redeeming features, in my honest opinion. So, if you have read this book, use this book or like this book for whatever reason, then please give this review a miss. Because I didn’t like it, this review will mainly concentrate on WHY I didn’t like it. These opinions, being opinions, are not debatable.
Where to start? Probably at the beginning, is best. When this book was first released, I read an interesting review of it in the Guardian. So, when I saw this book in my local BHF book shop, I thought “what the hell” and thought I’d give it a go. I have never read a self-help style book in my life, and now I know why.
Dr Liz Miller is an ex-neurosurgeon, and so you would expect her to be a sensible woman of science. She’s not: she is full of absolute crap. I was willing to sit through her sad stories of struggling through her breakdowns (she says in the text that she is bipolar, but she doesn’t specify what type. I suspect cyclothymia), and to start with, her advice is pretty sound. However, it is also common sense: keep a mood diary so that you can try and see patterns in mood vs. time of day, events, foods, etc.
Anything that didn’t fall under this header of “common sense advice” was not useful at all, and in fact made me rather angry. One of my common gripes is preachy, self-righteous types: Miller is one of these. Her favourite thing to preach about, it would seem, is food. I knew this would be a problem from the Introduction, where she gently declares a war on meat, alcohol, and processed food. Later in the book, she all but blames mood disorders solely on what we eat.
Let me get one thing straight: PROCESSED FOOD WILL NOT MAKE YOU DROP DEAD. You do not need to be on a “raw food diet” to be happy. Let’s look at the evidence: you know plenty of people who eat microwave meals, take aways and stuff from tins on an almost daily basis, and yet they are functioning perfectly. And then there is “Doctor” Gillian McKeith. I’m sure you’ve all been forwarded a copy of the McKeith vs. Nigella email (they’re both 50, and yet…) She doesn’t look like a happy bunny. She looks fucking miserable.
Fair enough, we’re all sensitive to different foods in different ways – I’m not all that susceptible to caffeine, but I am more careful about alcohol nowadays. And I think that’s the key: you do NOT have to give up everything fun or delicious to live well. You need to know your own body. And that’s where Mood Mapping MIGHT be useful: just for finding patterns in your mood in response to external stimuli. But you do NOT NEED TO BUY THIS BOOK (RRP: £12.99) to be able to do that. Food is not the root to aaaaaall your problems.
On a housekeeping note: Miller needs to get hold of a better proofreader. Even my casual, half-attentive reading of this book (often accompanied by a background of Christmas TV and the sound of family members reading articles from the newspaper outloud) spotted a whole menagerie of errors. Most hilarious IMHO was pp. 237-8, and the supposed “Causes of bipolar”…
“…Bipolar disorder can also start after head injury, treatment with anti-malarial drugs, particularly mefloquinine, head injury, childhood abuse, drug abuse…”
And later on in this ridiculous list of madness and repetition: post-traumatic stress disorder. WHAT?! PTSD is a mental illness in its own right, not a “cause” of bipolar. I think she’s getting confused: violent mood swings are not the only characteristic feature of bipolar. They are a symptom. And guess what? They just so happen to be quite a significant symptom of PTSD, too. Just because someone is having severe mood swings does not mean they have suddenly “come down with” bipolar disorder.
I’m trying to keep this short, so here’s the last and most important reason why I hate this book:
“…what my research and experience did prove is that mood and its associated chemicals respond more to the five keys to mood than they do to drugs. By physically managing your mood, it is often possible to dispense with drugs entirely.” (p. 233)
My, that’s a sweeping statement. And, “prove”? Really? Please, tell this to anyone suffering from psychosis, or chronic, major depression. Some people simply cannot function without medication. Some people can’t even cope WITH medication, it’s that bad. MY research and experience INDICATES this. Read a far better and more realistic account of mood disorder.
By all means, I am not poo-pooing Miller’s personal trauma and experience of the mental health system, but that is what it is: a personal trauma. She found something that works for her. Good. She has no right to prescribe it to others.
Books: The Poetry and Short Stories of Dorothy Parker
The Poetry and Short Stories of Dorothy Parker
Ben has been raving about Dorothy Parker pretty much since we first met, and having finally gotten around to reading her work, I am beginning to understand why.
All of her poems are bitter and witty, and none are too long (Ben and I are not overly fond of poems where you have to turn the page – again, call us philistines if you want). Parker voices frustrations that you wish you had found the words to express. She’s especially bitter about the plight of woman – but voices it fantastically well. Parker’s women are feisty, vengeful and fierce. A snippet from one of my favourites is in order, I think…
…Down from Caesar past Joynson-Hicks
Echoes the warning, ever new:
Though they’re trained to amusing tricks,
Gentler, they, than the pigeon’s coo,
Careful, son, of the cursed two -
Either one is a dangerous pet;
Natural history proves it true -
Women and elephants never forget….
Ballade of Unfortunate Animals
I’m fairly certain that Parker is not for everyone: she does not write happy or upbeat, and too much Parker, I’m sure, might make you pretty bitter yourself, so I advise taking in small doses. Not all of it is fantastic – a lot of it is self-indulgent pining over lost loves and boredom. Like the modern teenager, she does seem to enjoy her misery far too much.
However, she is very witty and observant, and made me laugh out loud more than once (at the expense of her archetypal characters, I must admit). Her short stories are fairly entertaining too, but I felt they weren’t on par with her poetry. That said, both stories and poems make clever observations about the hypocritical and often cruel behaviour of “normal people”.
And I can see myself getting Inscription for the Ceiling of a Bedroom inscribed on my bedroom ceiling.
…Though I go in pride and strength,
I’ll come back to bed at length…
…Summer, Winter, Spring, and Fall -
I’m a fool to rise at all!
Poor Dotty P.
Cleaning up your mess
I spent my weekend in Sussex, with my lovely mum. We had a great time, catching up, eating and pestering the dog.
Dusky the lurcher
But my visit was not just to chin wag and to get fat off my mum’s superb cooking. Oh, no. The deal is: my parents own a second house, three doors down from where they live. They rent out this second house, and make money. Hurrah! Well, for the last four years, a guy and his two (or was it 3? I can never remember) sons and their dog have lived there. (It just so happens that the youngest son used to bully me at school, but that’s neither here nor there…)
But, coming to the end of their tenancy this time around, they’ve decided they need to move on. Fair enough, says my mum, your contract ends on the 18th of September, so please have the place cleared up by then.
Mum puts out adverts for new tenants, and has an offer in no time. She agrees that they can move in on the 1st of October, which gives her two weeks to make sure the house is ready for a new family to move in. Hopefully, the last set of tenants are so eager to get their deposit back, they’ll have scrubbed the house top to bottom and fixed anything that they’ve managed to break.
But no. They weren’t even completely moved out by the 18th. I arrived at my mum’s on the 18th, and bright and early on the Sunday (19th) we expected to start on an empty, mostly clean house. NO, NO, NO. There were a dozen dead footballs in the garden, their old barbecue on the decking, two bikes leant against the house, and coathangers EVERYWHERE for some reason.
But Stuff is easy enough to toss in a skip. Less easy: mouldy wallpaper, mouldy curtains, broken window and dog hair, dust and spiders.
For me, the worst was the mould. It’s almost as if they didn’t open the windows for four years. All of the windows had some mould on them (although luckily the frames are plastic, not wood, so it should come of with no lasting damage), some of the curtains need completely replacing, and worst of all: my mum has to repaper half of a bedroom because it was so mouldy. I helped her strip the old, mouldy paper back:
We spent the whole day cleaning (9-6:30) but only scratched the surface. I hoovered my own weight in dog hair, and many a spider met a grim end.
Seriously though – how do people live like this? Why didn’t they see the mould and go “huh, probably should do something about that..”? And the guy came round halfway through the day to pick up some of his stuff (my mum foisted their rusty old barbecue and mangled footballs on him) – he had the utter CHEEK to ask how soon he could get his deposit back!! My mum simply shrugged him off by saying she was a bit busy at the moment. I am trying to encourage her to make an itemised bill detailing all of the ruined stuff that needs replacing, and explaining THAT’S why he doesn’t get his deposit back.
I’ll be back there next week to clean up some more of the mess.
Assembling my words into comprehensible sequences
I am terribly guilty of going through bursts of things. I was reminded of this phenomenon by the wonderful Hyperbole and a Half, brought to my attention by my friend Louise. I immediately forwarded that particular comic to Ben. He needed to see it.
You see, like Allie Brosh, Ben and I both suffer from different forms of this disease: we convince ourselves that Today will be the new day, the new start. We spend a long time building up to The Day, preparing for it. We buy all the necessary supplies. We rearrange the flat to accommodate it. And then, after an initial burst of enthusiasm, everything else gets in the way and we return to our normal, lazy rhythms.
Take for example, Ben starting his new job yesterday – he bought an Oyster travel card and everything, wore his suit, I made him a packed lunch, he commuted, and everything. Then I made the mistake of mentioning to his sister how grown up and “normal” he was being, and how proud I was of him.
“It won’t last.”
“Well, he’s been waiting for a fresh start for a long time…” I defend
“Yes, but he does have a bit of a track record”
And he does. And so do I. But I still think it’s a bit unfair to call it before it’s over. To be fair, already today he had said the novelty of the commute had worn off… Oops.
We’ll see – I have complete faith in him, and whilst I think the initial rush will dip down, I think he’s got his sights set on the bigger picture, and the Bright Future. We will just have to wait and see.
As for me, I start my MSc at UEL soon, and whilst Stratford is not exactly the promised land, it does symbolise the start of my career development. Finishing the MSc will just a small part of the battle towards Neuropsychology-dom – a doctorate awaits, if I can get a place on it.
UEL Stratford Campus
As quite a lot hinges on my doing well at this course, I have been reading a lot, preparing a lot, imagining myself as being the model student. I have (mostly) everything prepared, and I plan to buddy up with Ashok Jansari as much as possible in an effort to woo him into being my dissertation supervisor (that is, if I can overcome my utter fear of people, especially intelligent ones. Oh, and if I can decide on a topic).
Anyway, trying to do a lot at once (volunteering, studying, finishing the last module on the London Met certificate course (PY1026C, research methods), choir, etc.) causes me to overheat and die. Being a fairly anxious person, and it getting towards autumn now, I suffer a slightly suppressed immune system in this sort of set-up. And then working at the museum, having to talk to the filthy public… well, it leads to this:
Yes, that is Hello Kitty
That’s right folks – flu and fatigue. I’m amazed I didn’t pass it on to anyone (that I know of) because, instead of take time for R&R, I dosed myself up on medication and pushed on through it. I know, what a martyr. But you know the saying – live now, sleep when your…well, when it’s the weekend. I was crashed out most of Sunday, but here I am again! Ready to give it another go
I feel like I’ve been writing (well, typing) an awful, awful lot lately. I’ve successfully managed to maintain a Twitter-profile for the past month or so (a personal record), I’ve been assembling lab reports and other essay paraphernalia for college, writing (albeit short) book reviews, jotting up ideas for guest posts for Edible Glitter and look, I’m even posting on my own blog for the third time in less than a week! So let’s hope this time I can sustain the enthusiasm.
